I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
