so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Randomize
