watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
