Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
