Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
