I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
You don't make any sense
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