some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
