tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
