My hand turned me down
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize