if you like me you must not know who I am
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
