TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
