how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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