My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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