Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
