My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
