I hate all girls vehemently.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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