can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
