Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize