i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The air was thick with penises
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
