Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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