dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
