Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
