i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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