dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
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