My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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