my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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