Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize