So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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