Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
