If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
