Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
