You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
