I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Is Oprah even human
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
