turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
