Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
