someone get that fucking seahorse.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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