There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i love accidental penises.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
