I skipped work to stalk him.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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