The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
