who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My ATM looks so different sober.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
