Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
