i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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