you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
