did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
