I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize