We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
