I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
