all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
