Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
