I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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