he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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