Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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