I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
