my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize