your thong is hanging out like whoa
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
