$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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