In America we eat man semen.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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