Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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