Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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