I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
