She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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