"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Mom said you looked used
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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