thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
