I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize