I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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