Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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