Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
