ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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