It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
