can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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