Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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