I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
